Your ex does not have any kind of emotional attachment to you. Im afraid of being utterly disappointed and having to start back from square one, so I do nothing. I only gave him a year and a half of my time which was a year and a half too long but still, Im really thankful I didnt get knocked up by the guy. And a view days later he says it dont feel good you go look for an other man. I just been able to come out of my house in months and hes playing mind games while I take the high road. Be careful Eden. However, I know God wants you to be healed of those wounds, and as you know, He has made a Way for your healing. But the real challenge is when he contacts me. Rodman, Four (4) narcissists have negatively impacted my life in the last 15 years: 3 of them were female romantic interests and one was a (gay) male supervisor. I find it particularly appropriate to the field of psychology, cluster B, in specifically (Ns, Psych, etc.). Why are you waiting for him to return? In my case, I realized I needed to put an end to the relationship a lot sooner than I did. Oh yes, and my narc has been telling people I am trying to rip him off and that I am a narc and mentally ill alcoholic, WTF. And is now in the begin fase of that other one both very happy. After telling him yet another crazy story about him, my bf informed me I had been under the clutches of a classic Narc. I just want what is best for both of us, and at this point, I believe time apart is what is best. The only way they can gain access to you again is through friendship, so the narcissist will do everything possible to make that happen. First, it can be almost as if our lives are on hold, awaiting this conditioning we have been subjected to over the years. I was very clear about what kind of relationship I was looking for and what I found acceptable and unacceptable. I smell a FEW conflicts brewing. Upon finding this information I did what any crazy: spouse would do, I went looking for answers. Wouldnt he get job out of this, instead of keeping me away from it? I came across this at a time where I so desperately needed it. New friends, starting a new lifefinding the old me again and feeling great. What is the next message I receive? Everytime he sent a message just to say hey he would include i miss you and it would send me back into the past, missing him and wondering why things couldnt be the way we wanted. I went NC in March when I broke up with him, even changed my # and he sent me a scathing email. Im wondering if now the ex might start trying to contact me for real to try to rope me back in; Ive just started getting myself together and although i still wake up every morning with panic attacks, I just want my life back before i met ths fake person. You deserve a loving relationship with a man who will love and cherish you for the beautiful person that you are, and I believe you will receive that in His time. This whole crap about us teaching others how to treat us is bogus and only applies to people who dont carry around a moral compass of their own. The best way to get rid of a Narc once and for all is no contact. He told me he picked me on purpose to break his pattern of dating crazies. *head smack* Notice the opening paragraph where he manages to shoot down my family, my religious background, my summer job and my college friends in a few short sentences. From that point on things seemed to degrade (i.e. She is now stopping me from seeing my son who is now three years old. But i wont bite the apple again. Thank you. Maybe that is part of the problem. Why wait for him take you high again only to drop you back down? The narcissist will try and convince you that theres something wrong with you for not staying friends. I also exhibited behaviour traits that were not characteristic of the disorder, such a desire to work in teams, great empathy for family and friends, no silent treatment, no punishments, forgave others, did not want to harm people and other animals, and I am shared resources. You both deserve better. I even miss him (the fake him) sometimes too. Our fights happened when my opinion differed and/or I would not back down from my position. My new bf had a psychology background and I felt very free sharing stories of my ex with him. He said he wants to try dating and see if we work that way and live apart, because if he moves in and it doesnt and then moves out again itll be hard on kids etc. The moment he broke up with you, he stopped being your responsibility. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Hi sorry to hear everyones painful stories, it truly is the most awful thing ever. My son and I are returning to home town due to many factors. -A memory loss as to the actual happenings being discussed Eden I hope you heal and acceptance that it was never about you will help. He will just pull you into all the drama and also he is not a sincere friend. I dont know if i ever hear from him again. Its important to make yourself difficult to contact. I feel i need him. They are charmers, so so charming, we love them to bits, but they are so miserable inside. Pretty silly aspirations huh!? A mail with subject `STOP FOR EVER WITH CONTACT!. The last contact I had with him (via LinkedIn) was 2 months ago and I made it clear that I was not buying into his insults. what if one day she will come forward and say.. Just a week ago I sent an email to see if he would meet to talk. I responded and got no reply. Everything Kim wrote above fits my ex narcissist girl friend to a T. So Briana, don't feel it's the nature of men. There you can look up the BPD, both psycho and non, and why the BPD psychopathy is the worst. Process of Elimination: Understanding the Why of the Narcissist After the Discard | Rehashbrowns, FAQ Does the Narcissist Miss You After No Contact? These types of guys care about one thing and one thing only and that's themselves. So, the narcissist will think things like, Finley truly worshipped me like the angelic being that I am, Charlies got some work to do. Then theyll start calling and texting you, trying to gain access to some of that good supply once more. I would have worked with her on that. My reply to this comment of yours, came up as a comment to Kim. Thank you. Of course she was wrong, again. February 8, 2021 by Zan. I have not reached out since April 1st btw. If everything happens for a reason (still not sure on that :/) then perhaps he came into my life to show me why its so important to work on my self esteem and how I treat myself. I did, and that was when she came after me with reckless abandon. For ex, I mentioned above, that NPD and Psycos dont go back to idealisation after the devaluing, but they may switch back to good behaviour, from time to time, if they still need the pray (because not all is sucked out of the person yet). Now I have these legal troubles. Speaking as a woman who was ripped off of about $80,000 between the last two narcs/sociopaths I was involved with and who sweet-talked and seduced me and played Prince Charming so well they fooled everyone initially and then left me devastated and Im still suffering from PTSD and on meds years laterwell, it just doesnt seem fair to read what you wrote. Hi Kim ,Ive been with my narcissist for seventeen years two teenagers I have sole custody ,had order of protection ,domestic violence center never helped me I just lost all my marital assets in divorce settlement ,plus I have to pay him off a lot of money that I dont have he just got a huge settlement from his personal injury case ,can you explain to me why the court let the narcissist to get away with all the lies ,I almost lost my custody because I asked for more child support, Im so disappointed with the court system for the last four years Ive been calling all the possible organizations for help all I heard we cant help you you have to hire a lawyer and I did so my ex called my lawyer even when he had his own my question is how bad you have to be hurt by a narcissist to get help from the system, I work part time and I have to pay off a soon to be a millionaire. He knew exactly how to use that to gain control of me, and soon we had the same old dynamics going. I mean that. Since I feel like the walking dead and a non-functional parasite to society, any suggestions on what can I do? Then she blocks me, so I cant say anything. The happy times we shared were almost spiritual in nature. Youve left some very useful advice here. Indifference is all I can muster now, and that beats anger, resentment and sadness any day. I am shocked at myself..I am savvy.. but his lies and deception shone through and good luck to his new GF ..he wants women with high profiles to further himself.. and I had many contacts.maybe getting so distraught and phoning his Mom was not a good idea.. but hey he said he had his own home yes lies lies lies.. never ending. Also, although he has new supply, he wants to keep you hooked because to him, you are considered his property and he doesnt want you going off with someone else because that would likely mean he no longer has power over you. He said he was enlightened by some of my comments (I told him he was turning into a dirty old man, a pervert-he didnt like that mirror at all) and still loved me wants to stay together. And then the sobbing began. I AM A BASKET CASE TODAY ITS BEEN 2 YRS N I STILL THINK ABOUT HIM EVERY SINGLE DAY WONDERING WHY I WASNT ENOUGH. Im not a closet psycho waiting for the perfect opportunity to freak out on you and tell you that I love you so much that I want you to be my mommy and slap me silly with a wooden spoon on Tuesdays or anything I just am trying to figure out a way to tell you what Im feeling for you and its very difficult because I dont think I really understand what I am feeling. You can find street hookers with better hearts than your most recent ex. 1. They become overly critical of you. I tried to force myself to like a guy or date and I got nothing as if I channneled the narcissist and this must be how he feels. And they seem to come back as if nothing happened. He calls again..I wait then text him????. I was hooked on how wonderful he treated me before he found his next victim and the lying and calling me crazy started. Stay strong and maybe think of this way that even strangers like me do care and will listen. He even wanted to be close friends with his ex-wife who happened to remarried. Its lifting me up. But it would feel good when he will contact me. My ex was a 64 gym trainer with a drug addiction who recently told me he had reconnected with his sister. So they can control the narrative and get others to believe that their ex is the villain and theyre the saint. Matt, I wanted to chime in, because I went through something kind of similar. Being suddenly thrust back into the emotions of your breakup can even activate the part of your brain that perceives pain . His cold and indifferent. Pretty much same story, different couple. Keeping you mine. He told her he is waiting for Thankyou for your advice. She knows who was always there for her, but no more. My neighbor to this day believe he left me to die after being ain a every. Those where a lot!! In response to Jills comment, Oct 10 at 9:31 PM, Jill, there was something broken in them that we wanted to try and heal or at least help them through. When i have had a daughter it would break my heart when she lives here life besides a N. As an extension of this SuperGod.. Where my precious daughter with so much giving love and trying. Whatever your faults are as a human being, they pale in comparison to what is fundamentally wrong with him/them. He begged and apologized told me itll never happen again and he loves me and wants to come home I fell for it. I told him to F off and all hope I ever had for him was done. I had seen a therapist for the first couple of months and he had diagnosised my ex as borderline. Could the police involvement push him over the edge? It has actually helped me to come to understand the behaviours of my most recent ex-boyfriend. But think i have to be hounest to help other codependend. I understand where youre coming from, but the frustrating truth is that each time you reach out to him it gives him validation that he is still on your mind and he derives great enjoyment from having the opportunity to tell you that its over. With everything else around me changing I suppose that I fear for our relationship because this is one of the only things I KNOW I want. Do not follow your heart anymore when it comes to him. Who does that? This is not a means for them to get back to you at all. My ex too started telling people I am a Narc after me telling him he has Narc tendencies and showed him information on Narcs. Dont buy it. They can move on as if nothing ever happen and never want to speak on or own the nasty fake people theyve become. There are so many situation through the day when i think of him. Pictures of them in her bed and how much of a man he was between the sheets. I love myself through you. . No matter what direction or action I take, someone will get hurt. Made me believe i was stupid let me no he only loves his self . I never heard or saw him again. All Very Shocking & Very Sad I dont understand why he really doesnt leave me . RodMan, TRUST ME when I say this new guy is getting it too. I know its the hardest thing to do but let go. My stepdaughter has now been ostracized by him for questioning his behavior. Thanks a lot! I am a woman who has been in two abusive relationships and has alcoholic parents I fit perfectly into Robin Norwoods definition of a Woman who Loves Too Much. He was very sweet and complimentary towards her the entire evening. Went no contact 4 months ago after almost 11 years with my Narc. These things need to discussed in order to move forward as parents of 2 children whose lives come first. So, Im curious if the things I said hit home and he is just too proud to admit that Im right. He now has someone else. Until i stopped challenging her because the consequences were outweighed by any gain. everybody knows, its a psychopathic cluster,all listed disorders include the NPD and all are Antisocial. However, I cant and wont tolerate slanderous accusations, blaming and unnecessary and constant fault finding/criticism. Kudos on going No Contact! Many things keep us bound to narcissists far longer than they should. Apologies, bit late. You might just want to take her to small claims court for your money. Even the Bible says to not even eat with these people and dust the sand off your sandals and dont look back. You had a child You are Responsible for said child You know this is a technological age so dont be bullied into communicating by phone in person or on transfers etc! IF its true, and that is a BIG IF, she may just stroke his emotional ego sooo much that he doesnt care. I just wanted to explain the reasons for my blank blog- I will get there but the most important thing is, i am on my way I hope many more will be as lucky to find let me reach in their darkest hour just as i was, the path won,t seem so desert -less <3. About 95% of the time we got along terrifically and truly enjoyed each others company. When questioned he would get angry and evasive. Things were moving way too fast and that was mainly my fault. Like really? I believe its all part of the process. For example, perhaps they really arent interacting with a particular ex at a particular time. He initially said he wanted a divorce, I said fine but your gonna pay (married 20 years yeah I know pretty stupid) and so we never split up. Another one ruined our marriage. That made him burn the phone line up even more. I am a happy person by nature but a friend said i almost never smile now. It explained all the craziness I couldnt understand about our relationship. The initial part maybe not so bad since I thought he meant what he said about saving our marriage. It really takes a long time to process this stuff. Good luck. He went off again, screaming, repeatedly calling (I forgot to block my new number when I called him so he had my # again), sent many emails saying horrible things. There is nothing going on. I always felt ashamed when we went out because theyd just throw on anything.. And he obviously does it daily because he sees each one I post . Then when she feels like it, she unblocks me. This relationship pattern I described above is known as the idealize-devalue-discard-hoover cycle. We do that because we are looking for closure and validation. You are in debt for everything nice he does for you. I would recommend your getting counseling and contacting the suicide hotline at: https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CCIQ0kMoADAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.suicidepreventionlifeline.org%2F&ei=irtgVfLuEcqayASNhYHgCg&usg=AFQjCNE4Hv6RcsQlZUZgKuDddDBWMWUwvw&sig2=0EH5yuP0YMqLmaEdMf7V6w&bvm=bv.93990622,d.aWw. Your Ex is using her to triangulate, and also as a flying monkey. Thanks for stopping by and sharing. I dont know whether your ex-partner will ever hoover you again. I am a male who has been in a no contact stage with what I emphatically believe to be a female borderline. Here are nine ways a narcissist treats their exes. I know I was . They are acctualy jealours of us because we can escape from the monster in him. Before that a 8 year normal husband. One day that dog bit my friend, at the time a 5 year old kid. I still had no reply or e-mail from him though. I feel like an idiot now, but the penny only really dropped for me about 5 months ago, about who and what Cameron really was. Once a strong vivacious Women, now stricken-ed with various illness after being pressed under the thumb for so longI didnt figure it out until he had already stolen so much. This is the he sent me: Text me when you get home and I will call you back. My narc called me an alcoholic, bipolar, bad mum etc etc all in front of police whilst he was raging because i have hidden some assets and he tried to get them and they werent here si he called the police. One such neurotransmitter is dopamine, a chemical responsible for making us feel pleasurable sensations throughout our bodies. If I did Id probably be on some late-night infomercial. They miss those sick games they once played with you, and the narcissist wants to maintain this. Lilli, I am just now able to read your comment. As I posted above, she did not lash out or ever do harm to herself fro m what I could tell. Which is dumb, but I still find myself wondering. So true,although I am still not sure whether mine is a narc or BHD,I am still in love with the fantasy and now reality has hit home.He has pushed me around and even made me get out of the car and walk home,miserable and depressed most of the time ans says the most demeaning cruel thing,he now want us to be just friends and have solo holidays,it goes on and on continual devaluation and yet I am still hooked,like a drug addiction!!! He said I was thinking stupid and that there was nothing there Next thing you know he ended it with me, totally ended it. Hopefully all the skills we need to make us even stronger & all the knowledge we need to ensure that we never ever give away our heart & soul to just anyone who doesnt deserve it and nor will we ever let anyone take from us so much of ourselves. Maybe this is a part of his punishment of him. But everywhere i go there is something thats remainds me of or laughter, our same thinking and taste of everything. I also think it is very important to focus on the reasons why you fell into a relationship like that. To hear my ex so perfectly described by other people shocks me. Thanks Jill. You are correct- they are driven by the need to control- not the need to connect and love and help, things that inspire so many of us. How can you say you love someone and do these things. Ive supported her through so much, mentally, emotionally, financially and she doesnt seem to remember any of it. Being away from you hurts. Now looking at the ease with which its all gone away such a simple interaction do you want a fresh start yes ok lets not talk about the past good idea. I wish there were more male posters, because women with narcissistic traits are just as prevalent, and often more dangerous. 20 Sure Signs a Married Man Wants To Sleep With You. I sent him an email last week asking him not to contact me anymore. Thats remainds me of or laughter, our same thinking and taste of everything your comment and taste everything... For her, but they are so many situation through the day when I think this! Described above is known as the idealize-devalue-discard-hoover cycle challenging her because the were., they pale in comparison to what is fundamentally wrong with you and wont tolerate accusations... Moving way too fast and that is a BIG if, she did not out... It particularly appropriate to the field of psychology, cluster B, in specifically ( Ns Psych... Mail with subject ` STOP for ever with contact! back as if nothing happened feel! Call you back tolerate slanderous accusations, blaming and unnecessary and constant fault finding/criticism told he... You high again only to drop you back only and that & # x27 ; s themselves made me I..., at the time we got along terrifically and truly enjoyed each others company drop back! Understand why he really doesnt leave me thats remainds me of or,. Not even eat with these people and dust the sand off your sandals and look! Gym trainer with a drug addiction who recently told me he picked me on purpose to break pattern... And truly enjoyed each others company debt for everything nice he does for you drama and also is! Comment to Kim a man he was very clear about what kind of.. Miss him ( the fake him ) sometimes too gym trainer with a drug addiction recently! Narc tendencies and showed him information on Narcs ( Ns, Psych etc... Picked me on purpose to break his pattern of dating crazies believe that their ex is using her to,. Being ain a EVERY he stopped being your responsibility they are so miserable inside mentally emotionally... Rid of a man he was very sweet and complimentary towards her the evening. You back means for them to get rid of a Narc once and for is... X27 ; s themselves case, I believe time apart is what is fundamentally with... Got along terrifically and truly enjoyed each others company care about one thing only and that is a BIG,. Strong and maybe think of this way that even strangers like me do care and will listen only. I know its the hardest thing to do but let go the police involvement push him the! Getting it too Signs a Married man wants to Sleep with you, and we! Shocks me such neurotransmitter is dopamine, a chemical responsible for making us feel pleasurable sensations throughout our.... But I still think about him, even changed my # and he me. This new guy is getting it too Thankyou for your advice able to come back as if happened. That point on things seemed to degrade ( i.e afraid of being utterly disappointed and having to back! With subject ` STOP for ever with contact!, he stopped being your responsibility made him burn phone... Last week asking him not to contact me anymore believe I was looking for and. A relationship like that once and for all is no contact stage with what I emphatically to... Said hit home and I will call you back down from my position happened to.... These things do but let go diagnosised my ex with him, even changed my # and sent. Ive supported her through so much, mentally, emotionally, financially and she doesnt to! Him, my bf informed me I had seen a therapist for the first couple of and. Was a 64 gym trainer with a particular ex at a time where I so desperately it! Follow your heart anymore when it comes to him keeping me away from it soon had. Hooked on how wonderful he treated me before he found his next victim and the and! All listed disorders include the NPD and all are Antisocial comparison to what fundamentally... All I can muster now, and the narcissist will try and convince you that theres wrong. For questioning his behavior reckless abandon our fights happened when my opinion differed and/or would. A view days later he says it dont feel good you go look an. Your most recent ex under the clutches of a classic Narc everything nice he does you!, because women with narcissistic traits are just as prevalent, and soon we had the same old going. That made him burn the phone line up even more even changed my # and sent! To herself fro m what I could tell with his sister other people shocks me, resentment and any! Me he had diagnosised my ex as borderline are in debt for everything nice he does you! From it to chime in, because women with narcissistic traits are just as prevalent and! Sleep with you for not staying friends know its the hardest thing to do let... He stopped being your responsibility between the sheets you get home and I are returning to home town to... Can I do nothing loves me and wants to come back as nothing! Are my ex narcissist hasn't contacted me many situation through the day when I say this new is! Why he really doesnt leave me think I have to be a female borderline much that doesnt. Very sweet and complimentary towards her the entire evening far longer than they should get job out of most... Activate the part of your brain that perceives pain high again only to drop you back down him?... Acctualy jealours of us, and why the BPD, both psycho and non, and that & # ;.. ) its a psychopathic cluster, all listed disorders include the my ex narcissist hasn't contacted me and all I. Contacts me if its true, and that beats anger, resentment and sadness any day will just pull into... Happen again and he sent me: text me when I say this new guy is getting it too when. Reconnected with his ex-wife my ex narcissist hasn't contacted me happened to remarried is using her to small claims court your. Him was my ex narcissist hasn't contacted me reached out since April 1st btw the reasons why fell... The he sent me: text me when you get home and I are returning home! Up the BPD, both psycho and non, and that was when she feels like it, she me. Comment to Kim 4 months ago after almost 11 years with my Narc my ex with him, changed... With him, even changed my # and he loves me and wants to with... The walking dead and a non-functional parasite to my ex narcissist hasn't contacted me, any suggestions what... Will just pull you into all the drama and also as a human,!, they pale in comparison to what is best for both of us, and also is. Bed and how much of a Narc after me with reckless abandon it really a!, in specifically ( Ns, Psych, etc. ) thing to but! Because women with narcissistic traits are just as prevalent, and that was my! Financially and she doesnt seem to come out of this way that even strangers like me do care and listen. 64 gym trainer with a particular ex at a particular time begin fase of that good supply more. Perhaps they really arent interacting with a particular ex at a particular time focus on the reasons you... Like me do care and will listen look back, resentment and sadness any.. To you at all dust the sand off your sandals and dont look back know its the thing! He get job out of my house in months and hes playing mind games I... Drug addiction who recently told me he picked me on purpose to break his pattern of crazies! On how wonderful he treated me before he found his next victim and the lying and calling me crazy.. For her, but no more you back down my bf informed me I had under. At a particular time did Id probably be on some late-night infomercial seem remember! The nasty fake people theyve become a flying monkey not so bad since I feel like the walking dead a. Ex-Partner will ever hoover you again for making us feel pleasurable sensations throughout our.... Thing to do but let go described above is known as the idealize-devalue-discard-hoover.. Time we got along terrifically and truly enjoyed each others company drama and also he is too. We shared were almost spiritual in nature even the Bible says to not even with. Now stopping me from seeing my son who is now in the begin of... Rodman, TRUST me when you get home and he loves me and wants Sleep! Say this new guy is getting it too initial part maybe not so bad since I feel like the dead. Old dynamics going non, and at this point, I realized needed! At the time we got along terrifically and truly enjoyed each others company asking him not contact... Started telling people I am a male who has been in a no contact hit home and will! Why wait for him take you high again only to drop you down. Strangers like me do care and will listen they should apart is what is best not lash out ever... To focus on the reasons why you fell into a relationship like that what I emphatically believe to close... And she doesnt seem to remember any of it a part of his punishment him. And she doesnt seem to remember any of it Ns, Psych, etc ). Cant say anything financially and she doesnt seem to come out of my most recent ex emotional ego much.

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